I'm Back!

OK, first of all I'm not a stalker, I'm not dangerous, and personally, I don't even think I'm annoying.

My ex, however, had a different view on this matter.

My ex (was) dating a person whom shall go unnamed, though is a member of the local constabulary.

Add it all up, and Ed Avery is sleeping on a ratty bunk in the lockup, for WAY too long. The ironic thing is they don't even serve Johnsonville sausage in there, but rather Burger King. If anyone ever tries to make me eat Burger King again, they'll have to lock me up for real.

Anyway, the good thing is I got some state paid for dental work, didn't have to pay rent for nearly a year, and they hooked me up with a job program which is about the ONLY way you're going to get work around here if you're not "in" with J-ville... or fetching enough to sleep your way to a favor.

The worst thing about jail, at least this one (low key and quiet) is NO internet. I'm sure my loyal readers (there's got to be one, right, no... OK)... So no one missed me. That's humbling.

so anyway, for what it's worth... I'm back.

Ed Avery

Learning to Walk in Johnsonville

The good thing about the internet, I guess, is so you don't feel so alone:

http://companyaa.com/item0000051/

Now without my beloved HHR

At least I still have a laptop, for now....

By Any Other Name It's Still Sausage

My philosophy lately has been, "when life give you turkey fried shrimp, eat a lot of turkey fried shrimp." Listened to my man, Warren Zevon, recently, that song, "send lawyers, guns, and money, Dad, get me out of this!" And I was thinking, what happens when there is no one to ask anymore to send you lawyers guns and money? I suppose the prisons are full of people who have thought that very thing, and that song probably isn't their favorite. Or maybe it is, who knows what inspires or soothes the human being. My answer to that question, naturally, is to eat a lot of turkey fried shrimp. Sorry about this exciting update, really, I am sorry. March in Johnsonville is kind of like an eternal microwaved 7-Eleven Death & Everlasting Suffering Burrito, the next day. Sorry once again. Ed.

The Crapola Enonomy Hits Johnsonville

Ed Avery certainly not one to ignore a blessing in disguise is back on the blogging saddle, folks. A quick rundown: what with the encroaching economic crisis, I was forced to double my classload during the last year or so, and that along with my divorce proceedings, while still trying to make a decent and sane homelife for the kids (at least a weekend homelife) has kept me pretty much absent from the information highway, much less the blogosphere. But the most recent development has found me out cold on my ass, as an incompetent substitute teacher, being paid the equivalent of minimum wage takes over my beloved pupils and their fragile futures. Well, truth be told, I couldn't stand the brats, and finding myself able to live off of my unemployment (in my new bachelor pad) with the bare necessities (a nightly sixpack of cheapo depression brew--which has made Milwaukee famous), ESPN, and a couch. And a laptop and a fairly decent Internet connection by which I now reach you the faithful reader. Though, really, if there are any readers left, out there, of this pathetic tome, after all this time, you seriously must consider finding help, counselling, a new hobby, yes... a life. On the other hand, rock on, friend!

When It Rains It Snows

That's the motor of the HHR. If anyone can tell me what's wrong with it by looking at the photo I'd be much obliged! Greetings from the tundra! In one of my classes I said, so much for global warming! And this 13 year old schooled me on how it will actually CAUSE the new ice age-- so OK! I stand corrected. Anyway, I'm not currently adding to our emissions, seeing how the HHR is plain not running!

Things are more or less back to normal after the divorce. I still see MY WIFE, as I prefer to call her, often, for the sake of the kids, we say. She continues to not let me forget my indiscretions. She is also giving me a hard time about being an Obama supporter. She says that's a vote AGAINST women. I argue that voting for Hillary is a vote against NON-whites. “SO-SO Tuesday” is coming up in a couple of weeks (as we call it here in Wisconsin-- but at least we vote before Ohio)-- and that is our dilemma. In my opinion, it's the Republicans’ show all around. Well, not the republicans, but the powers-that-be. It's a great plan, getting the liberals to go at each others throats over race and gender, badly wanting to make history, while in the meantime another brainless corporate puppet will glide into the Whitehouse and continue to work for the interest of the largest corporations! I badly want to get these ideas across to my students, but as it is I'll be lucky if they don't ride me outta town on a burning rail. It's all I can do to avoid pimping for Jesus!

Oh... and how's it going with my girlfriend? Please... don't ask.

Back To School Fool!

This has been the most FU'ed summer of all time. If I sound depressed it's because... I am depressed. Things have NOT gone well. I guess I should have been writing about the HORRIBLE events of this DREADFUL summer, and maybe that would have helped me. But it's too late now.

I am going to remember this summer like it's a natural disaster. I'll call it Ed Avery's Crappy Life and Times '07. Seven is supposed to be a lucky number, right? Not for me!

I don't know if I continue this thing, or what the point is anyway. I guess I need to do something new with my students this year, however. We had some meeting about how we have to spend a certain amount of class time using electronic media. I pointed out that that means a certain amount of class time LESS with books and papers. That comment was greeted with nothing but squinty eyed disapproval. Oh, well, OK then! I'll get my students to do BLOGS! I'll let them write nasty comments about Mr. Carver, the principal. NO PAL OF MINE! And I'll use this one as an example, so the kids won't think I just logged onto a computer for the first time yesterday.

Yes, it's back to school time, and... OK. Maybe I'll relate the heinous events of the summer... but later!

Ed (better off dead) Avery

The Nastiest Month

Here's the sign for the Johnsonville Rod and Gun. Everyone has a gun out here. They're hunters. Not me, though. I don't hunt, and we have no guns in our house. If it ever gets to the point where I feel like I need a gun for protection, it's time to move to somewhere where I don't feel like I need a gun for protection. There are still those places on this sweet Earth. And right now, I feel, Johnsonville is still one of them.

Now a ROD, that's another matter! I'm talking about my beloved Chevy HHR, not my "johnson." I'm thinking of souping it up and entering a race over at Road America this summer. I guess that's what you-know-who's boyfriend does for a living. Or should I say soon to be ex-boyfriend. As soon as she gets her tax return she's moving out to her new place, and then things will be much much better!

As it is now, though, there has been a lot of talk about April being the cruelest month. Well, I want to propose that April is the Cruelest woman! I'm talking about the object of most of my waking concentration, when I'm not providing quality time for the kids, arguing with my wife, or half-heartedly grading pathetic homework. I know I said her name was Laura, before, but I'm changing that tune. Her real name is April. Actually, I'm going to keep changing her name, the same way I change the password to this blog. You can't mess around in suburban America these days. Everyone is under survealance. Fuck!

'Til Death Do Us Part (ok, bad joke!)

I haven't written anything in awhile because things haven't been going so well. I think my wife suspects something (though I can't be sure) and I had to cool it. The only time I saw Laura in the last month was this one date we had, driving around on a gloomy Saturday. We ended up making out in this old cemetary, up north a ways, which was great. She's kind of got this "goth" streak-- OK, I know she's too young for me!

I took this picture of the HHR in the graveyard-- Laura said it kind of resembles a hearse! I guess she's right! What is Chevy doing, making their new car look like a hearse?!?! I like it though. I really can't wait to see her again. Things have been very very very very very difficult!

If you look really closely you can see her in the passenger side, trying to hide!

Is the grass always greener?

Things are pretty much back to normal-- damnit! I've been MISERABLE lately, since that wonderful day with Laura. It was seeing how things COULD be that made me hopeful, yet hopeless, now, lately. Laura still hasn't told her boyfriend that it's over between them. He should be able to catch on, I think, but he's an idiot. I guess it's easier for her, anyway, not telling him, becaue she doesn't have anywhere to go. Though she makes enough money at Johnsonville, I would think, to save a little. I can always loan her some money, too. I guess it's not the easiest thing to find a cheap apartment around here, unless you want to live in an outbuilding or something.

I shouldn't complain-- I'm a BIG FAT HEEL. I feel terrible, as usual. Margaret doesn't suspect me at all. She's so busy at QG-- she just got a promotion, too. I'm, as usual, hating MY life. It's getting a little old taking cell phones away from junior high brats. Noah recently told us he wanted a cell phone, and yes, we read him the riot act. You've got to put your foot down IMMEDIATELY and FIRMLY on these matters, before it gets out of hand. Sometimes more than your foot (wooden yardsticks were made for something besides measuring).

Well, everything kinda BLOWS lately, but here's a picture of the green grass that was under the snow. I went for a nice hike the other day by the creek behind Schnappsville Park. That's the HHR (my new/ kinda new car) parked there, and in the background, yes, flying the old flag, is Johnsonville Sausage, where my one true love resides (4o hours a week, variable shifts, plus lately, 2o hours a week OT!) Hopefully, next time, I'll have something to report in the PROGRESS department.

Thank GOD for this weather!!!

I've had an amazing couple of days due to the weather. COLD, wind-chills forty below! But that's not what was amazing. School was called off at Plymouth (as well as most of the schools around the state). This almost never happens, especially since global warming (that's a joke, though I know it's not funny). Noah and Hope both still went to daycare, or whatever they call it now. Not pre-school, because it IS school-- little genius school, prodigy school. I know I should take more of an interest. Well, I am interested, and didn't want them to freeze to death. I drove them over in the HHR, which is turning to be good investment. Margaret made fun of it, but I ending up giving her a jump yesterday morning when her beloved Mustang wouldn't start (one of those new ones, you know). So, anyway, yeah, Margaret had to work at QG, regular schedule, and I was left at home alone for two glorious days!

The lucky thing was that Laura was working third shift at Johnsonville-- she doesn't always have a choice, but I guess got put on Sunday late third shift due to the Superbowl, which, of course, she had no interest in watching. I can see the plant entrance from our living room, and when the lobster shift cleared out at seven a.m. or so I called her cell phone. Margaret was already gone. Laura came over (parking at the bar lot, to be safe) and took a bath to get the sausage smell off her (not that I would have minded) while I took the kids to Mozart school. Then we had THE WHOLE DAY TOGETHER. We've been dreaming of this. We didn't sleep in Margaret and my bed, of course, I'm not a total creep. But we made love nearly every other place in the house, including in the HHR, like a couple of high schoolers, while it was in the (heated, of course) garage.

OK... I DO feel pretty guilty about it. I feel terrible. But the thing is, we are in love. I am more in love with Laura than I've been ever before in my life. I mean, I don't think I've ever been trully, completely in love before in my life. I've never felt like this. I do love Margaret, I care about her. But it was nothing like this. I don't know what to do. Laura feels bad about it, too. She lives with a guy, too. Her boyfriend, though she says it's over with him. I mean, she told me that the first time we met (more on that later). But she can't move out until she finds a new place, and figures things out with him (I guess he's kind of unstable or something). So we've got ourselves in a real mess. But it's the happiest I've ever been in my life.

Happy New Year!

Happy New Year! Here is the pumpkin pie that started it all, I mean the big fight. I can't talk about that now-- though that's kind of the point of this thing, inn't it?

Anyway-- had a pretty good new years, didn't do much-- spent time with my wife Margaret, and the kids Noah and Hope. I don't know if it was because of this new medication, or if it's just that I'm getting older, but I can't seem to drink as much as I used to. In contrast, Margaret, how used to pretty much not drink at all, can really put 'em away!

We made some ice cream drinks for the kids, New Year's Eve, but things got a little mixed up at some point, and I think they ended up drinking some of the alcoholic drinks. I don't know what's worse, anyway, the alcohol or the ice creams. We mady brandy alexanders, grasshoppers, pink ladies (at Margaret's insistence) and in each case made non-alcoholic versions for the kids, but I think they may have pulled the wool over our eyes. Which probably wasn't hard to to during the big fight!

Well, some good football games yesterday. Actually, none of them were, except for the Boise State game (did any see that? can you believe it? Oh! Who am I talking to here, anyway!?!) That game was on late, but I was up since I had slept most of the day, after bloody marys and new years brunch-- Margaret had a few of her friends over, from work! WHich is enough to get me really irritated.

The only bad thing is that the Johnsonville plant was on holiday shift-- and I happened to know that a certain lady had three days off (and thus took the opportunity to visit some kind of distant relatives). I'm talking about Laura, of course. I shouldn't be talking about this. But what am I going to do, talk about the weather. THis is the place-- kind of an outlet for me in these difficult times. If anyone sees this I'm totally and absolutely fucked (sorry) but no one's gonna!

Merry Chrismas Everyone!

That is a joke, writing this note to myself only as I have snuck away from the family activities for a moment to the computer. I am a little drunk already this morning. I know I'm not supposed to drink with this new medication, but it's ChRIstmas after all. I love my wife and my kids, and I love my job, I really do. But I love the Christmas break more than anything. And there is someone else I love, but I cannot talk about her here, not even here in my private journal, because it seems too dangerous! But I have to tell someone. It is driving me crazy. I am in love again, and I never thought that would happen! And I am happy for the first time in years. In years! Everyone can tell that I am happy and they are happy for me! But if they knew WHY I was happy, they would not be so happy. Happy happy happy happy is that all anyone cares about? It is all relative and fleeting anyway, and an illusion and a lie. But it's all we look for. The spiritual, ha! That is just another way of trying to find happiness.

Changed settings!

Okay, it's taken me awhile to get started, mostly because I wanted to change the settings of this thing from "public" to "private." What I am intending is just for me, only (which is a relief, because I don't have to worry about how boring I am!) (nor spelling, yea!). I'm just not ready to write something like this for the "world" to see. (as if!) (I never use those kinds of expressions, what am I, reverting to a teen-ager?) Anyway, hopefully I've changed the settings of this so no one but me can see it. I'll check later to make sure. But if by some error in my technical ability (admittedly, lacking) you out there (whoever your are!) can read this, PLEASE email me at Ed Avery-- edavery@gmail.com --and I'll make the needed changes. Thanks!

Introduction to Too Much Johnsonville

Hi, Ed Avery here. I'm starting one of these on-line journals on the advice of a certain doctor, to tell the truth, who also insists that I tell the truth, though he doesn't want me naming him by name. So I'll just refer to him as a certain doctor. Personally, I don't see the difference from writing something in a notebook from doing this, but I guess this might be more fun, in that it's published on the World Wide Web (!big deal) and also I can include photos, which appeals to me-- as something of a photography buff. Anyway, it promises to be kind of fun, and (hopefully) therapeutic, and my doctor can watch my progress, and well, here goes!

I'm calling this Too Much Johnsonville because my family and I live in the small town of Johnsonville, Wisconsin. And I mean small! The joke is, there is NOT too much of Johnsonville! But more on that later. More on my town, my job, and my family, later. Hey, this is pretty easy, and it's fun, after all. I hope it works!